Happy New Year: I Won The Lottery

I'll be kicking off 2013 by cashing in my TWO winning lottery tickets. Granted, I won a whole $14... so I guess I'll still be catching you around this corner of the Internet for some time to come.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! And check this shit out if you haven't already:

* The 10 Worst Singles Of 2012
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2012
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2011
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2010
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2009
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2008
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2007
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2006
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2005
* The Top 40 Pop Singles Of The '00s

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Shayne Ward's Career Veering Closer & Closer To Porn (FINALLY)

Following his stint in Rock Of Ages on the West End, UK crooner Shayne Ward will next appear in Power Tops IV: Drill, Baby, Drill. Well, okay — that's wishful thinking, maybe, on my part. He'll actually be starring in the eighth series of Dancing On Ice in his home country (starting January 6), alongside such gems as, um, Pamela Anderson.

In a bit of "promo" for his latest project, Shayne whipped off his clothes (you don't really have to ask him twice, to be honest) and posed shirtless for the mag Gay Times (see above, left). Sigh. Would hit it relentlessly... probably for free, or at least a small cash donation.

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UK Chart Roundup: James Arthur's Noise Is Back On Top

This year's winner of The X Factor UK, James Arthur, sees his cover of Shontelle's "Impossible" return to the top of the Brit chart in the final stretch of 2012. The trash dirge has reportedly sold 897,000 copies in just three weeks.

Exciting stuff.

The UK Top 10:

1. "Impossible" - James Arthur *2 weeks*
2. "Scream And Shout" - will.i.am feat. Britney Spears
3. "Gangnam Style" - PSY
4. "Troublemaker" - Olly Murs feat. Flo Rida
5. "He Ain't Heavy..." - The Justice Collective
6. "Locked Out Of Heaven" - Bruno Mars
7. "I Knew You Were Trouble" - Taylor Swift
8. "Diamonds" - Rihanna
9. "Candy" - Robbie Williams
10. "Beneath Your Beautiful" - Labrinth feat. Emeli Sande

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US Chart Roundup: The #1s Of 2012 (And When Are The Swedish House Mafia Guys Gonna Bang?)

Bruno Mars still rules the Billboard Hot 100 on the first official chart of 2013 (dated January 5). Or you can look at it like the last chart published in 2012. Whatever.

Here's a rundown of the 13 singles that hit #1 this year:

1. "Sexy And I Know It" - LMFAO (2 weeks)
2. "We Found Love" - Rihanna feat. Calvin Harris (2 weeks in '12)
3. "Set Fire To The Rain" - Adele (2 weeks)
4. "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)" - Kelly Clarkson (3 weeks)
5. "Part Of Me" - Katy Perry (1 week)
6. "We Are Young" - fun. feat. Janelle Monae (7 weeks)
7. "Somebody That I Used To Know" - Gotye feat. Kimbra (8 weeks)
8. "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen (9 weeks)
9. "Whistle" - Flo Rida (1 week)
10. "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" - Taylor Swift (1 week)
11. "One More Night" - Maroon 5 (9 weeks)
12. "Diamonds" - Rihanna (3 weeks)
13. "Locked Out Of Heaven" - Bruno Mars (2 weeks)

Only one of those trash ("Diamonds") jams landed on Chart Rigger's 10 Best Singles Of 2012 list, which tells us all one thing: the iTunes-downloading public's taste blows, while my own is impeccable.

Back to this week's chart, another entry on Chart Rigger's Best list, Swedish House Mafia's "Don't You Worry Child," is up to #11. Elsewhere, Calvin Harris and Florence Welch's former UK chart-topper "Sweet Nothing" is up to #26, while Kelly Clarkson's "Catch My Breath" cracks the Top 40 by flying up to #30.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Locked Out Of Heaven" - Bruno Mars *3 weeks*
2. "Diamonds" - Rihanna
3. "Ho Hey" - The Lumineers
4. "I Knew You Were Trouble" - Taylor Swift
5. "Beauty And A Beat" -Justin Bieber feat. Nicki Minaj
6. "Die Young" - Ke$ha
7. "One More Night" - Maroon 5
8. "I Cry" - Flo Rida
9. "Home" - Phillip Phillips
10. "Thrift Shop" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Wanz

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The 10 Best Pop Singles Of 2012

Let's face it — 2012 was one dark year as far as pop was concerned. In fact, my trusty sidekick in all things chart rigging Moogaboo and I shouldn't have had as much fun and ease assembling our Worst Singles Of 2012 list, alas...

That said, there were a some bright moments, like diamonds in the sky, even if we had to go digging to find them. And dig we did; this is actually probably the most unconventional Best list since I started doing them annually here on Chart Rigger back in 2005!

Below you'll find what the two of us consider to be the 10 Best Pop Singles of 2012, along with our usual colorful write-ups on just why these songs deserve several more listens. As usual, the singles listed need only have reached their peak chart position within 2012, even if they were technically released the year prior.

10. Stooshe, "Black Heart"

D'luv says: "I'm going to go out on a limb and project that these British broads probably peaked with their '60s girl group homage 'Black Heart.' 'Still, what a great footnote."
Moogaboo says: "I love a good girl-group homage, especially one that’s confident enough to leave out the cliché sax solo and include a somewhat dark lyric about 'falling for a monster.' Stooshe may not be the new Supremes (or even TLC), but for three minutes they swing with the best of them."
Charts: UK #3

9. Swedish House Mafia, "Don't You Worry Child"

D'luv says: "Childhood innocence, the lifelong steel grip of a first heartbreak and, eventually, the loss of youth somehow are perfectly portrayed in three-and-a-half minutes here. This really was a standout year for dance-pop that packed an emotional punch."
Moogaboo says: "I feel like this blast of hands-in-the-air house music could sit alongside 'Carry On My Wayward Son' or 'Cat’s in the Cradle' on any classic rock station. And I mean that as high praise! Big-DJ Power Pop is the new classic rock!"
Charts: UK #1, AUS #1, SWE #1, US #12

8. Miguel, "Adorn"

D'luv says: "I don't know how Marvin Gaye doesn't get a writing credit on this remake of 'Sexual Healing.' Regardless, 'Adorn' plays when I watch the 24/7 Max George showercam forever streaming in my mind. So it's a no-brainer for the Best list."
Moogaboo says: "Call me naïve, but I think Miguel is genuinely artsy, and not in the 'funny sunglasses' way that most pop stars pretend to be. Atop 'Adorn’s idiosyncratic arrangement, there’s a deeply soulful (and, ironically, unadorned) voice that I can’t wait to hear more from."
Charts: US #17

7. Jessie Ware, "Wildest Moments"

D'luv says: "Quite frankly, I'm most smitten with 'Taking In Water' off Devotion, already a classic pop album upon its arrival. That said, the whole LP hits every correct mark. And if we're talking strictly singles, 'Wildest Moments' is truly one of 2012's best."
Moogaboo says: "I was mostly smitten with '110%' until this jam hit me unexpectedly in a Macy’s changing room. Nothing makes you think deeper about life, kids, than an exquisitely executed power ballad timed with the moment you’ve accepted you no longer have a 31" waist."
Charts: BEL #3, UK #46

6. Calvin Harris feat. Example, "We'll Be Coming Back"

D'luv says: "Along with 2009's 'Flashback,' this is one of Calvin's best moments. When dance music touches you on a thoughtful level, it's few and far between. This is one of those times."
Moogaboo says: "Even though the LOLDance boom (LMFAO, Ke$ha) has yielded a lot of dumb hits about vodka, vomiting and vomiting vodka all night, it’s also opened up radio to the occasional electronic gem. Along with Sia’s entry, this is a perfect of example (pun intended) of dance music that sounds great outside the club."
Charts: BEL #1, UK #2, SWE #5

5. Tensnake feat. Syron, "Mainline"
D'luv says: "This makes me feel like 1991. That was a good hair year for me."
Moogaboo says: "When I hear this, it’s like I’m shopping for vests at Dejaiz all over again."



4. Rihanna, "Diamonds"

Moogaboo says: "Is this the beginning, middle, or end of Rihanna’s imperial phase? In any case, this showstopper sounds like a mission statement and a pop star at her peak: defiant, fearless, and forever young."
D'luv says: "Well, I would have guessed she peaked with 'We Found Love.' But then along came this beautiful, emotional mid-tempo number. Though it's undeniably a knockoff of M83's 'Midnight City' — go ahead, play the intro to both back-to-back — Sia's lyrics hit you in the gut, and Rihanna now has her third modern day classic."
Charts: US #1, UK #1, CAN #1

3. David Guetta feat. Sia, "Titanium"

Dluv says: "I never tire of this song, and I don't care if Guetta is overrated — pairing up with Sia proved to be the perfect pop stabilizer he needed. 'You shoot me down, but I won't fall.' Simple and brilliant."
Moogaboo says: "I was instantly mesmerized by this slice of blockbuster techno-drama, a truly uplifting anthem that rises above the pack of trite 'empowerment' exercises glutting the radio since Katy Pussy's "Firework." Sia, all is forgiven re: 'Oh Father'."
Charts: UK #1, SWE #3, US #7

2. Bright Light Bright Light, "Waiting For The Feeling"

Dluv says: "I was really irked that Alphabeat didn't carry on with their retro '90s house pastiche following their superb 2009 album The Spell. Thankfully Rod Thomas — aka Bright Light Bright Light — is here to pick up where the Danish band left off. Again, dance-pop with depth is tricky to pull off, but here you go."
Moogaboo says: "This is a non-stop twirler in the classic sense, with verses of romantic turmoil giving lift to a chorus that practically flies you to the moon. I want Bright Light Bright Light to be the new Erasure."

1. Icona Pop feat. Charli XCX, "I Love It"

Dluv says: "We knew this was an unconventional year for pop (read: most of the mainstream releases sucked), so that made for this bratty treat coming out of left field and capturing our hearts and ears. These broads deserve to at least have one hit in the States — and this is it."
Moogaboo says: "There’s a big, bruised heart behind the gleeful destruction of "I Love It," a resigned you-done-me-wrong song masquerading its vulnerabilities behind a tough-as-fuck bassline and revving synths. It burns out almost as quickly as it starts, but not before it can carve its notch as the most exhilarating Pop Moment of the year."
Charts: SWE #2, AUS #6



ALSO SEE:
* The 10 Worst Singles Of 2012
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2011
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2010
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2009
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2008
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2007
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2006
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2005
* The Top 40 Pop Singles Of The '00s

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UK Chart Roundup: The Justice Collective Take Christmas #1 From 'The X Factor'

A bunch of people — including Robbie Williams, Paul McCartney, Paloma Faith, Beverley Knight, Melanie Chisholm, Eliza Doolittle and Holly Johnson — covered "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" to raise cash for charities that benefit the 1989 Hillsborough football disaster, and it's now #1 in the UK. (Sorry, whoever that guy is who won The X Factor the other week and whose name you won't remember, either, by February.)

Guy Chambers produced the single. And I'd totally hit it with that Andy guy from Lawson who opens the song, vocally.



The UK Top 10:

1. "He Ain't Heavy..." - The Justice Collective *new* *1 week*
2. "Impossible" - James Arthur
3. "Scream And Shout" - will.i.am feat. Britney Spears
4. "Stay" - Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko
5. "Locked Out Of Heaven" - Bruno Mars
6. "Gangnam Style" - PSY
7. "Troublemaker" - Olly Murs feat. Flo Rida
8. "I Knew You Were Trouble" - Taylor Swift
9. "The Power Of Love" - Gabrielle Aplin
10. "Diamonds" - Rihanna

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PWL Hit Factory Live: Watch Kylie Minogue, Jason Donovan, Rick Astley & Others At The O2 Arena

No, the world didn't end on Friday, December 21, 2012. The delayed PWL Hit Factory Live concert at London's O2 Arena went down instead, and featured performances by, well, everybody listed below — basically all the big artists associated with Pete Waterman from the mid-'80s to the late-'90s.

And because I got bored for 40 minutes this evening, I decided to round up as many of the videos that made their way onto YouTube as I could find. Enjoy yourself!

2 Unlimited — "Get Ready For This"



Lonnie Gordon — "Happening All Over Again"



Hazell Dean — "Who's Leaving Who"



Sonia — Medley: "Can’t Forget You / Counting Every Minute / Listen To Your Heart / You’ll Never Stop Me From Loving You"



Pepsi & Shirlie — "Heartache"



Sinitta — Medley: "Cross My Broken Heart / Right Back Where We Started From / Toy Boy"



Princess — "After The Love Has Gone"



Princess — "Say I'm Your No. 1"



Dead Or Alive — "Something In My House"



Dead Or Alive — "You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)"



Rick Astley — "Together Forever"



Rick Astley — "When I Fall In Love"



Rick Astley presents Pete Waterman with Official Charts Company commemorative Number One award



Rick Astley — "Never Gonna Give You Up"



Bananarama — "Venus"



Bananarama — "I Heard A Rumour"



Bananarama — "I Want You Back"



Jason Donovan — "Nothing Can Divide Us"



Steps — "Deeper Shade Of Blue"



Steps — "Last Thing On My Mind"



Steps — "Tragedy"



Kylie Minogue & Jason Donovan — "Especially For You"

Steps & Everyone Else, finale — "Merry Christmas, Everybody"

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It's Dido's "Let Us Move On"

I'm crawling out from under being sick the past week, and am finally getting around to Dido's "Let Us Move On," which was officially released on iTunes on Tuesday. There's a lyric video for this, her first single from her upcoming fourth album, Girl Who Got Away, and you can catch that trash below.

I used to really dig Dido, especially around the time of her first album, No Angel. I remember picking it up a full year before Eminem sampled "Thank You" for "Stan," after seeing it at a listening station at the Virgin Megastore in Los Angeles.

I believe I grabbed her follow-up, Life For Rent, while in London in fall 2003. It was okay — and I really liked "White Flag," "Don't Leave Home" and "Sand In My Shoes" — but I really lost track of her around the time she was contributing vocals to that atrocious Band Aid 20 single.



Anyway, "Let Us Move On" features slick, gloomy production (courtesy of Dido, her brother Rollo, Jeff Bhasker and several others), a rap from Kendrick Lamar, of all modern day players, and a lyrical message about not sweating the small stuff in life.

Enjoyable enough, if not a bit forgettable.

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US Chart Roundup: A Decade Of Year-End #1 Singles

With Bruno Mars' "Don't Stand So Close To Me" knockoff "Locked Out Of Heaven" at #1 for a second week, it's now the final chart-topping single on the Billboard Hot 100 in 2012 (on the chart dated December 29). Hoo-ray.

Let's celebrate this classy triumph by looking back at the past 10 years of year-end #1 singles, shall we? No? Fuck you — we're doing it anyway:

2002: Eminem, "Lose Yourself"
2003: Outkast, "Hey Ya!"
2004: Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell, "Drop It Like It's Hot"
2005: Mariah Carey, "Don't Forget About Us"
2006: Beyonce, "Irreplaceable"
2007: Alicia Keys, "No One"
2008: Beyonce, "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)"
2009: Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys, "Empire State Of Mind"
2010: Katy Perry, "Firework"
2011: Rihanna feat. Calvin Harris, "We Found Love"

See the pattern there? Well, okay — I don't really, either. I guess if there's one thing, it's that, with perhaps the exception of "Drop It Like It's Hot" and "Don't Forget About Us," most of the above singles will go down as being regarded as classic, especially with regards to the individual artists' own catalogs.

Personally, I need about another decade before I listen to all of those tracks again. Except for "We Found Love." That one's still a jam.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Locked Out Of Heaven" - Bruno Mars *2 weeks*
2. "Diamonds" - Rihanna
3. "Ho Hey" - The Lumineers
4. "Die Young" - Ke$ha
5. "One More Night" - Maroon 5
6. "I Cry" - Flo Rida
7. "Beauty And A Beat" -Justin Bieber feat. Nicki Minaj
8. "Home" - Phillip Phillips
9. "Some Nights" - fun.
10. "I Knew You Were Trouble" - Taylor Swift

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The 10 Worst Singles Of 2012: We Are Never Ever Ever ... Like Ever!

"Jeez. You guys are so mean. Even if you are right, why are you so tasteless?" These were were words posted by some FLOP in the comments on last year's Worst Singles list here on Chart Rigger. And Moogaboo, my partner in all things pop, and yours D'luvvly have asked ourselves this question on several occasions: why are we so tasteless? The answer: we're not the tasteless ones, hooker; we're simply here to help the masses avoid ear-assaulting noise released by shit artistes, whether you like it or not.

This year was no exception, as there was a pile of musical cack accumulated over the past 12 months like no other. The culprits? You'll see them all below, pop fanatics. We're hear to preach it and teach it, and if you don't like it — to quote Legend Of The United States (LOTUS), Xtina — fuck you.

10. Mariah Carey feat. Rick Ross & some other flop, "Triumphant (Get 'Em)"

Moogaboo says: "Dear Mimi: it might be over — like, over-over — and I mean for real this time."
D'luv says: "This song is garbage, but that's a given — so let's get down to brass tacks. Mimi gets an A+ for her bonkers gold dress and oblivious diva posturing in the video. The true disappointment was not having a scene showing Rick Ross sex her over the boxing ring ropes and heaving up the three plates of flapjacks he ate for breakfast in her face before dying of a heart attack. I mean, WHO dropped the ball here?"
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Mariah whistle-shrieked her way to #5 on our Worst Singles Of 2008 list with her aptly-titled flop "Bye Bye."

9. Cher Lloyd, "Want U Back"

D'luv says: "Jessie J is a wretched twat. But given her absence this year, we simply substituted her on this list with Cher Lloyd."
Moogaboo says: "I give it five years before she's guest-starring on East Enders. That's kind of a compliment, though."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Ms. Lloyd easily sailed to #6 on our Worst Singles Of 2011 list with "Swagger Jagger." Brava!

8. Neon Hitch, "Fuck U Betta"

Moogaboo says: "Not for all the free condoms at a NewNowNext Awards after-party, baby."
D'luv says: "Poor Neon Hitch. Songs with 'fuck' in the title are so 2010. Look for her next single to feature such topical gimmicks as a sax solo, some whistling and Sean Paul."

7. Rita Ora, "R.I.P."

D'luv says: "Nope, not much to add here."
Moogaboo says: "The only more appropriate title would have been 'D.O.A.'"

6. Taylor Swift, "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"

D'luv says: "For just once, I'd like to see this broad keep her legs shut and try writing a song. I bet she can't do it. "
Moogaboo says: "This trash becomes slightly more poignant when one realizes, hey, even millionaire twenty-something songstresses can get totally twerked in the nether-regions over 16-year-old high school flops."

5. Madonna feat. Nicki Minaj & some other flop, "Give Me All Your Luvin'"

Moogaboo says: "When she's not destroying her rivals in ritualistic murder-medleys, the Vampyre Madge sometimes feels obligated to create new tunes to hump crucifixes to— but, sorry lady, this dreckitude isn't cutting it. And would someone please take away Martin Solveig's fucking headache-inducing bouncy-synth before he strikes again?"
D'luv says: "I was really, really on board for the Madonna renaissance, and it all looked so promising at the onset of 2012. There was the Golden Globe win. The Super Bowl performance. The funny Graham Norton interview. Alas, wrangling in Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. for this weak lead single off MDNA was a desperate move for Ye Olde Vampyre, and it all rapidly plummeted from there."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Who's that girl? Why, it's Madonna, duckies, and her "4 Minutes" climbed all the way to #6 on our Worst Singles Of 2008 list!

4. Maroon 5, "One More Night"

D'luv says: "Adam Levine surely has to be plagued on a daily basis by the fact that he sold his soul to corporate rock whoredom. And, really, what artist doesn't want to have hits? The anomaly here is that this faux-reggae tripe was #1 for nine weeks, and I can't hum a bar of it to save my life."
Moogaboo says: "Remember when Adam's godawful, mayonnaise-flavored vocals could only make it to #86 on the charts? Those are the days I miss."

3. Karmin, "Brokenhearted"

Moogaboo says: "These kids obviously have a generous uncle in the chart-bothering biz, so I'm just going to ignore them until their payola source dries up and they disappear forever. Fingers crossed."
D'luv says: "All I'm going to point out is this: the weekend these two happened with their SNL performance, Whitney died. Coincidence?"

2. Flo Rida, "Whistle"

D'luv says: "No, Little Johnny, Flo Rida isn't rap-singing about whistling. He's rambling on about a lady putting her mouth on his dick. And you can bet that doing so is almost as disappointing an experience as listening to this track the whole way through."
Moogaboo says: "I love that it took six writers to come up with the least subtle metaphor for cocksucking since, oh, Flo Rida's 'Right Round'."

1. Nicki Minaj, "Pound The Alarm"

Moogaboo says: "On her best day, Nicki Minaj might be mistaken for a reject from RuPaul's Drag Race, but mostly she just seems like a waste of lash glue. This overproduced anthem adds an annoying dose of RedOne to Nicki's usual try-hard mix, which I find simply unforgivable.
D'luv says: "The American dream is open to many interpretations, but here's mine: gluing a pink wig onto a grand piano, then dropping it on Nicki Minaj."

ALSO SEE:
* The Worst Singles Of 2011
* The Worst Singles Of 2010
* The Worst Singles Of 2009
* The Worst Singles Of 2008
* The Worst Singles Of 2007
* The Worst Singles Of 2006

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Katy B & Jessie Ware's "Aaliyah" Is A Jam

This popped up last week but I didn't get around to posting until now. It's retro-sounding, '90s house-leaning "Aaliyah," a new song from Katy B that finds her pairing up with fellow British singer Jessie Ware and Geeneus. The song appears on Katy's new (free) EP Danger, and it's a pretty solid throwback.

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UK Chart Roundup: 'X Factor' Winner James Arthur Does The Not-So-"Impossible," Lands At #1

If you didn't see this coming, punch yourself in the face: The X Factor UK's Season 9 winner James Arthur tops the chart in his home country this week with coronation song/Shontelle cover (!!) "Impossible." The song's writers Arnthor Birgisson and Ina Wroldsen have slummed doing tracks for past X Factor winners like Leona Lewis and Alexandra Burke, but are perhaps best known for their vast contributions to The Saturdays' catalog.



At any rate, will.i.am and Britney Spears' atrocious "Scream And Shout" hops in at #2, while Rihanna and Mikky Ekko's "Stay" debuts at #6 following RiRi's X Factor performance last week.

I'd have preferred to see Gabrielle Aplin's cover of "The Power Of Love" still at #1, but oh, well —  it appears to still be a Simon Cowell world, and our ears are just bleeding in it.

The UK Top 10:

1. "Impossible" - James Arthur *new* *1 week*
2. "Scream And Shout" - will.i.am feat. Britney Spears *new*
3. "Locked Out Of Heaven" - Bruno Mars
4. "The Power Of Love" - Gabrielle Aplin
5. "Troublemaker" - Olly Murs feat. Flo Rida
6. "Stay" - Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko *new*
7. "Diamonds" - Rihanna
8. "Try" - Pink
9. "Gangnam Style" - PSY
10. "Little Things" - One Direction

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It's Taylor Swift's "I Knew You Were Trouble" Video

Normally I'd be more interested in eating lit firecrackers than waxing philosophical over a Taylor Swift video, but I find "I Knew You Were Trouble" to be kind of intriguing. Forget the fact that the Max Martin/Shellback co-production will probably go down as the definitive moment where Taylor chucked her country cred out the window in exchange for a massive pop hit (complete with a hefty heaping of dubstep on the side). No, the Anthony Mandler video itself is a particular curiosity.

Swift starts the whole clip off by waking up in the desert, looking like Coachella exploded all over her, and spouting off some heartach-y stuff about a relationship that is now only a "kaleidoscope of memories" and the fact that "his world moved too fast and burned too bright." (The full official video isn't being embeddable until tomorrow.)

We soon see the angelic devil she's talking about. Honestly, he looks like a scuzzball lizard who slithered out of the nearest dead-end town dive bar, but, hey — knock yourself out by getting off with whatever trash is keeping your tits tweaked these days, Tay.

Their doomed relationship then plays out in flashbacks, a la a mix of Katy Perry's "The One That Got Away" and Rihanna's "We Found Love." But ultimately, Swift winds up just being a new notch in her slimy stud's belt.



I think, really, I just like how anguished and worn-out Taylor looks at the end, when she's arching and writhing in the desert. That, and her final quote: "I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are."

So deep, girl. Anyway, let's face it — the song is pretty killer.

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US Chart Roundup: Bruno Mars Throws Rihanna Off A Cliff

That Rihanna reign just let up, and she got bitch-smacked off the top of the Billboard Hot 100 by Bruno Mars and his Police knockoff "Locked Out Of Heaven." Ah, good old Bruno Mars. He came dangerously close to topping Chart Rigger's 10 Worst Singles list last year. Only Beyonce's colossally floptastic string of 4 noise saved him from that fate. That said, I will concede that "Locked Out Of Heaven" is far better than "The Lazy Song." Oh, and keep your eyes peeled for this year's Worst list, coming in a matter of hours!

Now where we? Right — Swedish House Mafia. I'm still waiting for these three to offer a livestream where they all take turns effing each other sideways in a shopping cart. Until then, we'll just have to make due with their US triumph with single "Don't You Worry Child," which rises to #14.

Another previous UK #1 that's climbing the Hot 100 is Calvin Harris and Florence Welch's "Sweet Nothing," up 14 positions to #44. Look for it to be Calvin's fourth US Top 40 hit and Florence's second this time next week.

We'll end on another UK doll, Ellie Goulding, whose aptly-titled "Anything Could Happen" is stuck at #56 again. Perhaps the success of "Lights" eclipsed anything she'll do after that? Or maybe "Anything Could Happen" is just on the same slow trajectory that "Lights" was?

It's a mystery, folks. A g.d. mystery.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Locked Out Of Heaven" - Bruno Mars *1 week*
2. "Diamonds" - Rihanna
3. "Die Young" - Ke$ha
4. "Ho Hey" - The Lumineers
5. "One More Night" - Maroon 5
6. "I Cry" - Flo Rida
7. "Home" - Phillip Phillips
8. "Some Nights" - fun.
9. "Beauty And A Beat" -Justin Bieber feat. Nicki Minaj
10. "Let Me Love You" - Ne-Yo

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Jessie Ware, Bright Light Bright Light & Beach House Made My Albums Of The Year

Over at Idolator, we rounded up 10 albums we felt were the best of 2012. I chose Jessie Ware's Devotion, Bright Light Bright Light's Make Me Believe In Hope and Beach House's Bloom. Why those ones in particular? Well, you'll just have to go and read, now, won't you?

In the meantime, my partner in Chart Rigger crime Moogaboo and I have got a couple classy lists coming your way in mere days.

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Here's Pet Shop Boys' "Memory Of The Future" Mixes & B-Sides Out In US On January 1

Pet Shop Boys' third Elysium single "Memory Of The Future" will get an official US release via two digital bundles on January 1. Below is the tracklist and the lyric video, which features the Stuart Price seven-inch mix of the song.



DIGITAL BUNDLE 1
Memory of the future – Stuart Price new single mix
Listening
One night
Inside

DIGITAL BUNDLE 2 (Memory of the future remixed)
Stuart Price remix
Ulrich Schnauss remix
DJ Waldo Squash remix
Digital Dog remix

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Shy Swedish Broad Sally Shapiro Returns: Watch Her Video For "What Can I Do"

I love Sally Shapiro. Really, I do. Hearing her whispery Swede pop takes me back to my days working at Instinct Magazine, when I first discovered her Disco Romance album. Then, when I was on the dole in 2009, I even interviewed her for this blog, during her promotion for My Guilty Pleasure.

Now Sally is back with a charming video for new single "What Can I Do," ahead of the February 26, 2013 release of her new album Somewhere Else. Consider it a pleasant respite from the current holiday rush.

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UK Chart Roundup: The "Power Of Love" John Lewis Holiday Commerical Is A Tearjerker

"The Power Of Love," originally a Trevor Horn-produced #1 single recorded by Frankie Goes To Hollywood in 1984, has once again landed at the top of the UK Chart. The latest rendition, covered fantastically by 20-year-old British singer Gabrielle Aplin, has been steadily climbing thanks to its inclusion in a holiday ad by retailer John Lewis. And if you're a big old baby like me, you'll turn on the waterworks for this trash (see it below).

Here's Frankie Goes To Hollywood's original version:



Here's Gabrielle's version:



And here's the John Lewis ad:



The UK Top 10:

1. "The Power Of Love" - Gabrielle Aplin *1 week*
2. "Locked Out Of Heaven" - Bruno Mars
3. "Troublemaker" - Olly Murs feat. Flo Rida
4. "Beneath Your Beautiful" - Labrinth feat. Emeli Sande
5. "Diamonds" - Rihanna
6. "Little Things" - One Direction
7. "Die Young" - Ke$ha
8. "Try" - Pink
9. "Gangnam Style" - PSY
10. "Girl On Fire" - Alicia Keys

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US Chart Roundup: I'd Pay, Like, Ten Bucks To Watch The Swedish House Mafia Members Sex each Other

Rihanna's "Diamonds" has now spent three weeks atop the Hot 100, matching the length of her run in 2006 with her very first US #1, "SOS." I'm still not sick of that trash yet, and I feel it'll join the ranks of the classic pop jams of this decade when all is said and done. If you don't believe me, then go Barbie Doll leg yourself violently until you do.

Elsewhere, Swedish House Mafia's former British, Australian and, naturally, Swedish #1 single "Don't You Worry Child" edges closer to cracking the Top 20 as it hops up seven positions to #21. For the first time, I heard this trash on the radio today. And if it achieves similar success here in the States that it has overseas — and given the song's Grammy nomination — will the DJ collective put their hiatus on hold?



Whatever. Over on the album chart, Alicia Keys' fifth outing Girl On Fire debuts at #1, bumps Rihanna's Unapologetic down to #6 and still does nothing to interest me in ever listening to this ho.

More interestingly, Christina Aguilera's Lotus plummets to #47 in its third week on the Top 200. Get 'em, gurl!

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Diamonds" - Rihanna *3 weeks*
2. "Locked Out Of Heaven" - Bruno Mars
3. "Die Young" - Ke$ha
4. "One More Night" - Maroon 5
5. "Ho Hey" - The Lumineers
6. "Some Nights" - fun.
7. "Home" - Phillip Phillips
8. "I Cry" - Flo Rida
9. "Let Me Love You" - Ne-Yo
10. "Gangnam Style" - PSY

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UK Chart Roundup: There's Nowhere To Go But Down For Girls Aloud (Business As Usual)

It's a relatively blase week on the UK singles roundup; Olly Murs' "Troublemaker" retains its #1 position while the X Factor alum's third LP Right Place Right Time debuts atop the album chart. Meanwhile, Girls Aloud's "comeback" appears to be going the way of a bargain basement hooker after a bachelor party (read: dismembered and in a landfill), as "Something New" plummets from last week's #2 debut to #14.

Elsewhere, the bimbo brigade's useless hits package Ten flops onto the album chart at #9. Sorry, Girls, no one wants your re-fried, cynical Christmas cash-in.

The UK Top 10:

1. "Troublemaker" - Olly Murs feat. Flo Rida *2 weeks*
2. "Locked Out Of Heaven" - Bruno Mars
3. "Diamonds" - Rihanna
4. "Beneath Your Beautiful" - Labrinth feat. Emeli Sande
5. "Girl On Fire" - Alicia Keys
6. "The Power Of Love" - Gabrielle Aplin
7. "Candy" - Robbie Williams
8. "Gangnam Style" - PSY
9. "Little Things" - One Direction
10. "Die Young" - Ke$ha *new*

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Will.i.am & Britney Spears' "Scream & Shout" Video Is More Like A Dull Whisper

Will.i.am and Britney Spears' collaboration "Scream & Shout" isn't awful. It's just kind of generically drab. When is everyone going to realize that most things Will touches turns to pussy (and not in the sexy way)?

Until that happens, you catch the video for this pair's latest below. It's full of product placement, Auto-Tune, sleek costumes, Illuminati signs and lots and lots of low-grade pussy. Perfect for the holidays!

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Sia Performs "Diamonds" Live With Stargate: Watch

Sia has been one of my favorite pop broads for awhile now (have you read my 2010 interview with her?), and so I'm glad to see her having her day in the sun in the States, finally, after penning hits like  "Diamonds," "Titanium" and "Wild Ones."

Recently, Sia hit the stage with "Diamonds" producers Stargate at the Norwegian-American Achievement Awards ceremony for a performance of the song (which is currently #1 for Rihanna on the Hot 100). Watch the her elegantly somber version below.

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US Chart Roundup: Rihanna's "Diamonds" & 'Unapologetic' Shine Bright

Rihanna's "Diamonds," now in its second week atop the Billboard Hot 100, is the 12th single to reach #1 in 2012 (if we're to count RiRi's own "We Found Love," which technically went to #1 in 2011, briefly ceded the chart to LMFAO's "Sexy And I Know It," then returned to the top for two more weeks in January). And with December now nearly upon us, you have to wonder if she can pull off a repeat of wrapping up the year with the final chart-topper.

Either way, RiRi can pour it up this week, as she's got both the top single and top album. Her seventh LP Unapologetic is now her first to hit the peak position on the Top 200 chart. And I have to admit, after taking part in the sometimes-harrowing 777 Tour, I'm suffering from a bit of Stockholm syndrome, and have been listening to this broad's new record for the past week nonstop.

My fave jams off it: "Half Of Me," "What Now," "Love Without Tragedy / Mother Mary." Don't worry — it'll wear off quickly. It's hardly a superb album. I'm just still missing my hostage-taking pop queen, and caught up in her current diamond-shine. 

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Diamonds" - Rihanna *2 weeks*
2. "Die Young" - Ke$ha
3. "One More Night" - Maroon 5
4. "Locked Out Of Heaven" - Bruno Mars
5. "Gangnam Style" - PSY
6. "Some Nights" - fun.
7. "Ho Hey" - The Lumineers
8. "Home" - Phillip Phillips
9. "I Cry" - Flo Rida
10. "Let Me Love You" - Ne-Yo

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Alphabeat Release "X-Mas (Let's Do It Again)"

Alphabeat doing a Christmas song? Sure, why not. Sounding like a cross between Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" and Wham!'s "Last Christmas," the Danish band's synthy "X-mas (Let's Do It Again)" is already an infinitely better single than their previous two 2012 offerings "Vacation" and "Love Sea."

Personally, I kind of which the 'beat would just go back to their Black Box-esque '90s house pastiche of the previous album. Oh, well. Until then, hear their holiday jam below.

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Mutya Keisha Siobhan Are Back In Business

Mutya Keisha Siobhan (aka the original Sugababes) kicked off the week by tweeting out the above photo, which states that they are "back in business." But lest any MKS fans start spinning around in an excited frenzy like the Tasmanian Devil, this is apparently not the cover of their upcoming album, but rather the cover of British mag Ponystep.

The broads have been in the studio over the past year with everyone from Emeli Sande to Biffco. Is a new single by the holidays too much to ask for?

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Girls Aloud Offer Up More Unlistenable Noise With "Every Now And Then"

Yesterday I pointed out the solid fact that Girls Aloud's "On The Metro" was only the third good song they've recorded in their 10-year career. This caused tweeter @JulianRupert to unfollow me. But as I've stated before, I'm not here to win a popularity contest; I'm here to keep it real and unmask the truths about pop. It's all for you, Damien!

@chartrigger @michaelcragg I'm sorry, I actually did unfollow you :(I can't support someone who claims GA have 3 'good' songs
— Jules Baddeley (@JulianRupert) November 25, 2012

So anyway, case in point, below you'll find the Xenomania-produced "Every Now And Then," one of the four new songs on GA's shameless "comeback" collection of flops,  Ten (out today in the UK). Generic piddle is putting it kindly.

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UK Chart Roundup: Olly Murs Cock-Blocks Over-The-Hill Ho Brigade Girls Aloud With "Troublemaker"

Olly Murs earns the fourth #1 of his two-year recording career with "Troublemaker," the lead single off upcoming album Right Place Right Time, on the UK chart. I've gone on before about what a proper pop tune this one is, though it could do with having the utterly useless Flo Rida rap scraped off it.

According to the Official Charts Company, the 121,000 copies "Troublemaker" sold put it "well ahead" of Girls Aloud's comeback single "Something New," which has to settle for a #2 entry. This doesn't surprise me in the least, since the latter sounds like five alley cats in heat howling to be ass-rammed by Garfield. (Really, the 10-legged ho troupe should have gone with "On The Metro" as the lead single.)

Over on the album chart, Rihanna's Unapologetic becomes her fourth LP to hit #1 in the UK after selling 100,000 copies.

The UK Top 10:

1. "Troublemaker" - Olly Murs feat. Flo Rida *new* *1 week*
2. "Something New" - Girls Aloud *new*
3. "Little Things" - One Direction
4. "Beneath Your Beautiful" - Labrinth feat. Emeli Sande
5. "Girl On Fire" - Alicia Keys *new*
6. "Gangnam Style" - PSY
7. "The Power Of Love" - Gabrielle Aplin
8. "Candy" - Robbie Williams
9. "Locked Out Of Heaven" - Bruno Mars
10. ""Diamonds" - Rihanna

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Girls Aloud's "On The Metro": The Third Good Song Of Their 10-Year Career

Throughout the British group's 10-year history, Girls Aloud has churned out some wretched cack and passed it off as music. But occasionally, on rare occasions, they've released some pretty decent singles (see: "Call The Shots" and "The Loving Kind").

The broads' new greatest hits collection, Ten, contains another entry in the sparse "good Girls Aloud" category, thanks to new song "On The Metro."  Unfortunately, it's not lined up as their follow-up single to "Something New." Oh, well — missed flopportunity if you ask me. Listen below!

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It's Robbie Williams' "Different" Video

Here's another one I missed out on while being the in the bubble of Rihanna's 777 Tour: the video for Robbie Williams' second Take The Crown single, "Different." The song, co-written by Robbie, Gary Barlow and Jacknife Lee, borders on dullsville, but is just sappy enough to earn a decent chart position in the UK once it's officially released.

As for the video, it's basically Robbie looking intense while both conducting and starring in some '40s silver screen noir send-up.

"Be A Boy" is the real gem on Take The Crown. Best get that one out next.

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