The 10 Worst Singles Of 2012: We Are Never Ever Ever ... Like Ever!

"Jeez. You guys are so mean. Even if you are right, why are you so tasteless?" These were were words posted by some FLOP in the comments on last year's Worst Singles list here on Chart Rigger. And Moogaboo, my partner in all things pop, and yours D'luvvly have asked ourselves this question on several occasions: why are we so tasteless? The answer: we're not the tasteless ones, hooker; we're simply here to help the masses avoid ear-assaulting noise released by shit artistes, whether you like it or not.

This year was no exception, as there was a pile of musical cack accumulated over the past 12 months like no other. The culprits? You'll see them all below, pop fanatics. We're hear to preach it and teach it, and if you don't like it — to quote Legend Of The United States (LOTUS), Xtina — fuck you.

10. Mariah Carey feat. Rick Ross & some other flop, "Triumphant (Get 'Em)"

Moogaboo says: "Dear Mimi: it might be over — like, over-over — and I mean for real this time."
D'luv says: "This song is garbage, but that's a given — so let's get down to brass tacks. Mimi gets an A+ for her bonkers gold dress and oblivious diva posturing in the video. The true disappointment was not having a scene showing Rick Ross sex her over the boxing ring ropes and heaving up the three plates of flapjacks he ate for breakfast in her face before dying of a heart attack. I mean, WHO dropped the ball here?"
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Mariah whistle-shrieked her way to #5 on our Worst Singles Of 2008 list with her aptly-titled flop "Bye Bye."

9. Cher Lloyd, "Want U Back"

D'luv says: "Jessie J is a wretched twat. But given her absence this year, we simply substituted her on this list with Cher Lloyd."
Moogaboo says: "I give it five years before she's guest-starring on East Enders. That's kind of a compliment, though."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Ms. Lloyd easily sailed to #6 on our Worst Singles Of 2011 list with "Swagger Jagger." Brava!

8. Neon Hitch, "Fuck U Betta"

Moogaboo says: "Not for all the free condoms at a NewNowNext Awards after-party, baby."
D'luv says: "Poor Neon Hitch. Songs with 'fuck' in the title are so 2010. Look for her next single to feature such topical gimmicks as a sax solo, some whistling and Sean Paul."

7. Rita Ora, "R.I.P."

D'luv says: "Nope, not much to add here."
Moogaboo says: "The only more appropriate title would have been 'D.O.A.'"

6. Taylor Swift, "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"

D'luv says: "For just once, I'd like to see this broad keep her legs shut and try writing a song. I bet she can't do it. "
Moogaboo says: "This trash becomes slightly more poignant when one realizes, hey, even millionaire twenty-something songstresses can get totally twerked in the nether-regions over 16-year-old high school flops."

5. Madonna feat. Nicki Minaj & some other flop, "Give Me All Your Luvin'"

Moogaboo says: "When she's not destroying her rivals in ritualistic murder-medleys, the Vampyre Madge sometimes feels obligated to create new tunes to hump crucifixes to— but, sorry lady, this dreckitude isn't cutting it. And would someone please take away Martin Solveig's fucking headache-inducing bouncy-synth before he strikes again?"
D'luv says: "I was really, really on board for the Madonna renaissance, and it all looked so promising at the onset of 2012. There was the Golden Globe win. The Super Bowl performance. The funny Graham Norton interview. Alas, wrangling in Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. for this weak lead single off MDNA was a desperate move for Ye Olde Vampyre, and it all rapidly plummeted from there."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Who's that girl? Why, it's Madonna, duckies, and her "4 Minutes" climbed all the way to #6 on our Worst Singles Of 2008 list!

4. Maroon 5, "One More Night"

D'luv says: "Adam Levine surely has to be plagued on a daily basis by the fact that he sold his soul to corporate rock whoredom. And, really, what artist doesn't want to have hits? The anomaly here is that this faux-reggae tripe was #1 for nine weeks, and I can't hum a bar of it to save my life."
Moogaboo says: "Remember when Adam's godawful, mayonnaise-flavored vocals could only make it to #86 on the charts? Those are the days I miss."

3. Karmin, "Brokenhearted"

Moogaboo says: "These kids obviously have a generous uncle in the chart-bothering biz, so I'm just going to ignore them until their payola source dries up and they disappear forever. Fingers crossed."
D'luv says: "All I'm going to point out is this: the weekend these two happened with their SNL performance, Whitney died. Coincidence?"

2. Flo Rida, "Whistle"

D'luv says: "No, Little Johnny, Flo Rida isn't rap-singing about whistling. He's rambling on about a lady putting her mouth on his dick. And you can bet that doing so is almost as disappointing an experience as listening to this track the whole way through."
Moogaboo says: "I love that it took six writers to come up with the least subtle metaphor for cocksucking since, oh, Flo Rida's 'Right Round'."

1. Nicki Minaj, "Pound The Alarm"

Moogaboo says: "On her best day, Nicki Minaj might be mistaken for a reject from RuPaul's Drag Race, but mostly she just seems like a waste of lash glue. This overproduced anthem adds an annoying dose of RedOne to Nicki's usual try-hard mix, which I find simply unforgivable.
D'luv says: "The American dream is open to many interpretations, but here's mine: gluing a pink wig onto a grand piano, then dropping it on Nicki Minaj."

ALSO SEE:
* The Worst Singles Of 2011
* The Worst Singles Of 2010
* The Worst Singles Of 2009
* The Worst Singles Of 2008
* The Worst Singles Of 2007
* The Worst Singles Of 2006

Read More

US Chart Roundup: Phillip Phillips And The London Olympics And Men's Butts

Ellie Goulding and her team are pretty wise to be releasing her new album in two months (to the day) from now, since the title track from her debut Lights keeps climbing, and is now a serious contender top the Billboard Hot 100. The song has now jumped to the runner-up position behind this summer's unstoppable "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen, an inescapable radio favorite that's surpassed "Somebody That I Used To Know" and spent the most weeks (nine) at #1 this year so far.



A bit further down, recent American Idol winner Phillip Phillips sees his coronation single "Home" fly up from #84 to #9. At the end of May, the song debuted and peaked at #10, but is now back up thanks to heavy airplay during NBC's Olympics coverage.

Yeah, I've been watching the Olympics for the past two weeks, and I only heard that shit once. But that's because I DVR it and fast forward to the guys doing gymnastics and swimming, since, well, they have hot asses.



Some other interesting trash: fun.'s "Some Nights" (aka Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody") is stuck at #11 for a second week, and ditto for Calvin Harris and Ne-yo's "Let's Go" at #17 and Demi Lovato's "Give Your Heart A Break" at #18 (which I didn't realize till recently was co-written and co-produced by Josh Alexander and Billy Steinberg, the two behind, among other classics, JoJo's "Too Little Too Late").

Meanwhile, Cher Lloyd's "Want U Back" slips down one to #13, while Alex Clare's "Too Close" jumps six positions to #24. And it seems The Wanted may be destined to remain in One Direction's shadow in this country, as "Chasing The Sun" drops to #52 after peaking one rung higher last week (though it still has a bullet). Let's hope their debut US album is packed with another "Glad You Came" or two.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen *9 weeks*
2. "Lights" - Ellie Goulding
3. "Whistle" - Flo Rida
4. "Wide Awake" - Katy Perry
5. "Payphone" - Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa
6. "Somebody That I Used To Know" - Gotye feat. Kimbra
7. "Where Have You Been" - Rihanna
8. "Titanium" - David Guetta feat. Sia
9. "Home" - Phillip Phillips
10. "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)" - Pink

Read More

US Chart Roundup: J.Lo's 'Hits' Is A Flop

With eight weeks spent at #1 on the Hot 100, Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe" has tied the eight-week stretch of Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know." Both back-to-back chart-toppers have had the longest run so far this year in the Hot 100's peak position. And both songs make me want to tie a garden hose around my neck and hang myself from the nearest tree branch at this point, thanks to overkill.

The next crop of hits waiting in the wings appear to be the following: fun.'s "We Are Young" follow-up "Some Nights" (#11 this week); Cher Lloyd's US breakthrough hit "Want U Back" (#12); Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen's pair-up "Good Time" (#13).

Hovering just below those three are Calvin Harris and Ne-Yo's "Let's Go" at #17 and Demi Lovato's "Give Your Heart A Break" at #18. I can't see them cracking the Top 10, but who knows?

Over on the album chart, Jennifer Lopez's Dance Again... The Hits flops in at #20. That uppity hooker had better not quit her day job. Oh, oops!

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen *8 weeks*
2. "Wide Awake" - Katy Perry
3. "Payphone" - Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa
4. "Whistle" - Flo Rida
5. "Lights" - Ellie Goulding
6. "Somebody That I Used To Know" - Gotye feat. Kimbra
7. "Where Have You Been" - Rihanna
8. "Titanium" - David Guetta feat. Sia
9. "Scream" - Usher
10. "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)" - Pink

Read More

US Chart Roundup: Carly Rae Jepsen Now Has Two Songs In The Top 20

Yes, Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe" is still #1, now for a fourth week, on the Hot 100. The Canadian pop sorceress also manages to debut at #18 with her Owl City pair-up "Good Time," which climbed into the Top 10 on iTunes last week and has been nicely perched there ever since.

Further down the chart, Calvin Harris and Ne-Yo's "Let's Go" gets bumped up to #31 while Cher Lloyd cracks the Top 40 (at #35) with her first US hit "Want U Back". The song was her third single from her debut LP in Lloyd's home country of the UK, and peaked at #25 there earlier this year.

Elsewhere, The Wanted continue their slow rise with "Chasing The Sun," which is now up to #72. And Nero's dubstep jam "Promises", which topped the UK chart nearly a year ago, debuts at #81.

Over on the Top 200, Linkin Park's Living Things managed squeak past Maroon 5's Overexposed and snag the #1 position after selling 223,000 copies, just 3,000 more than the latter. This puts Maroon 5 at #2 on both the album and single charts.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen *4 weeks*
2. "Payphone" - Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa
3. "Somebody That I Used To Know" - Gotye feat. Kimbra
4. "Wide Awake" - Katy Perry
5. "Where Have You Been" - Rihanna
6. "Lights" - Ellie Goulding
7. "We Are Young" - fun. feat. Janelle Monae
8. "Starships" - Nicki Minaj
9. "Titanium" - David Guetta feat. Sia
10. "Scream" - Usher

Read More

US Chart Roundup: Ellie Goulding's "Lights" Sure Took Its Sweet Time...

Seventeen years, four months and 23 days after Ellie Goulding's single "Lights" was released, the song finally makes its way into the Top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100, as it moves up to #6 this week.

Okay, the song wasn't really released that long ago. But I vividly recall writing about the music video way back in January 2011, and Goulding first performing "Lights" live on American TV in May that year. At any rate, the song has far exceeded the success it had in Ellie's home country of the UK, where it peaked at #49 on the chart.

Elswhere, Calvin Harris snags another Top 40 single in the US as his Ne-Yo-featuring "Let's Go" climbs to #35. One Direction also pull off the same feat with "What Makes You Beautiful" follow-up "One Thing", which is at #39.

Cher Lloyd's first US chart entry "Want U Back" ascends to #51, while The Wanted continue their slow crawl upward  (to #75) with "Chasing The Sun".

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen *3 weeks*
2. "Payphone" - Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa
3. "Somebody That I Used To Know" - Gotye feat. Kimbra
4. "Wide Awake" - Katy Perry
5. "Where Have You Been" - Rihanna
6. "Lights" - Ellie Goulding
7. "We Are Young" - fun. feat. Janelle Monae
8. "Starships" - Nicki Minaj
9. "What Makes You Beautiful" - One Direction
10. "Scream" - Usher

Read More

US Chart Roundup: Carly Rae Is Still #1, Grouplove Rise & Matchbox Twenty Return

With Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe" in its second week at #1 on the Hot 100, Billboard points out that this marks the first time three consecutive artists — in this case Jepsen, Gotye and fun. — have seen their debut US singles hit the top of the chart since 1977. Unfortunately, this means that every time you flip on the radio, one of those damn songs is on. I just might officially be completely over all three.

A quick check-in on the latest British invastion: Ellie Goulding's "Lights" inches up to #12 this week, while One Direction's second single "One Thing," another one getting constant radio play these days, is up to #47. Meanwhile, Cher Lloyd debuts at #75 with the Shellback-produced "Want U Back," and The Wanted jump 10 positions to #81 with "Chasing The Sun."



Other trash: David Guetta and Sia's "Titanium," which might just be my favorite single of the year so far, is up to #15, and that iPod commercial song "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove is all over the place on radio, a fact that has the single moving up to #60.

On a final note, Matchbox Twenty return with their first Hot 100 entry in five years, "She's So Mean," which debuts at #91. Their last hit came in the form of 2007's "How Far We've Come." It peaked at #11.



The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen *2 weeks*
2. "Somebody That I Used To Know" - Gotye feat. Kimbra
3. "Payphone" - Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa
4. "Wide Awake" - Katy Perry
5. "We Are Young" - fun. feat. Janelle Monae
6. "What Makes You Beautiful" - One Direction
7. "Starships" - Nicki Minaj
8. "Where Have You Been" - Rihanna
9. "Wild Ones" - Flo Rida feat. Sia
10. "Boyfriend" - Justin Bieber

Read More

US Chart Roundup: The "I Was Trapped At SXSW" Edition

First of all, I'm writing this actually on Friday and back-dating it for Thursday, because on Thursday I was winding down my marathon 24-hours Austin South By Southwest cameo. I rolled down that way for the Idolator Pray For Pop Party, where we had Cher Lloyd, Penguin Prison and Wallpaper. perform (starting at midnight on Wednesday). You can see pics and then read my review of the showcase.

Here's Penguin Prison at the Idolator shindig. Isn't he cute?

Here's Cher Lloyd at the Idolator bash. Isn't she cute? I should mention that I also met Cher's manager, Craig Logan — i.e. former Bros member Craig Logan. And previous Dannii Minogue fiance Craig Logan. Super sweet guy.

It was rad. But I got no sleep. And I'm still recovering.

So anyway, I step away for two days and Billboard has gone and changed their Hot 100 chart rules again. The gist is that on-demand services such as Spotify and Rhapsody now factor in.

Says Billboard:

"As previously announced, the Billboard Hot 100 songs chart undergoes a major renovation this week with the addition of a host of streaming services to its formula, including those that contribute to the newly-launched On-Demand Songs chart.

"On-Demand Songs measures every on-demand play request and plays from unlimited listener-controlled radio channels on subscription services MOG, Muve Music, Rdio, Rhapsody, Slacker and Spotify. The plays tracked for On-Demand Songs include streams and tethered downloads by both paying and free/trial tier users.

"The Hot 100 will also include non-demand radio streams from Rhapsody and Slacke, audio on-demand streams from MySpace and Guvera and plays on video request service Akoo. Yahoo! radio streams and Yahoo! on-demand video plays, which were previously part of the Hot 100 formula, will continue to contribute to the chart's rankings.

"Additionally, the Hot 100's sales/airplay ratio has been adjusted to both accommodate the influx of additional streaming services to the chart's data pool and to slightly lessen the influence of sales, as the volume of digital downloads had increased exponentially since the chart's last formula modification in 2007.

"The chart's new methodology continues to place the greatest weight on sales, with radio the next most influential component, followed by streaming. (Under the chart's new recipe, on-demand streams will be weighted twice as much as passive/online radio streaming)."

So there you have it. 

Couple things of note on the chart this week: Rihanna and Calvin Harris' "We Found Love" drops out of the Top 10 (to #11) after nearly six months, while the latter's "Feel So Close" climbs 12 positions to #22.

Meanwhile, Drake and Rihanna's "Take Care" hops in the Top 10, at #7, while RiRi's "Talk That Talk" climbs into the Top 40 at #36. I'd care more if I wasn't completely effing burnt out on her.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "We Are Young" - fun. feat. Janelle Monae *2 weeks*
2. "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)" - Kelly Clarkson
3. "Set Fire To The Rain" - Adele
4. "Glad you Came" - The Wanted
5. "Somebody That I Used To Know" - Gotye feat. Kimbra
6. "Turn Me On" - David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj
7. "Take Care" - Drake feat. Rihanna
8. "Young, Wild & Free" - Snoop Dogg & Wiz Khalifa
9. "Starships" - Nicki Minaj
10. "Part Of Me" - Katy Perry

Read More